Dim Sum My Way--A glossary of terms and standards Part 1

Okay. I go to dim sum or yum cha quite a bit, and those terms are synonymous. Allow me to explain, and in fact this entire series of posts will be an explanation of dim sum as I know it in the SF bar area of California. This will also be an early look at my criteria for dim sum and perhaps an early look at some of my rating scales for restaurants in general.

Dim sum is food and the term is cantonese for "pieces of the heart" or something similar, you can generally translate things loosely or more literally. And you can't get the same answer twice from two different people. And yum cha means "drink tea". And so, people go to yum cha and when they do, they eat dim sum while drinking their cha(tea).

K. Don't care? Well stop reading cause this post is all about this kind of shit.

I use dim sum because that is what most people know. My X who is Mandarin Chinese always used the term yum cha, but what the hell does she know? In any case, dim sum is Cantonese and I think they also use that term, but all of your American types say dim sum and so do the Chinese when talking to Americans. So here, it will be dim sum.

Dim sum is generally a lunch time food and is rarely found on a dinner menu. It can also be found in some Asian supermarkets and take-out markets, but is usually offered at large Cantonese style Chinese restaurants. It is served during the brunch hours with most places opening at 10am or so, and shutting down at about 2pm. By shutdown I mean they start setting up the dining room for dinner, so those who don't like eating while waiters wheel huge round tables around soon get the hint and depart, or if you don't care, the carts will eventually disappear at about 2pm and certainly well before then the food quality will go down as the kitchen has stopped cooking.

You can recognize the better places (and the once greats) because they have a waiting list going around noon, so plan accordingly and be prepared to wait up to an hour. Koi Palace up the peninsula has a huge wait. And it goes without mentioning that all good Asian restaurants should be full of Asians, if the round eye ratio is high, then the food is probably not so good. That is why that Zing's Asian Bistro in downtown San Jose went belly up. They had a bad round eye ratio. Too many white people means bad Asian food. White waiters at Asian restaurants means bad food. Think I'm racist? Yup. Get over it.

On the other hand, your Asians are just as susceptible to being tricked by a crafty restaurant as anyone and some once great restaurants are still quite busy despite a deplorable lack of quality. That is to say, they were once good, but something happened and they now suck. This is generally caused by new owners who just want money but are unwilling to do the hard work that great food requires of them. The departure of a great chef is also a factor in a restaurants slide down the food quality scale.

When you enter a restaurant for dim sum you tell the hostesses the size of your party and are escorted to a table. The hostesses are generally young Chinese girls wearing all black, either a dress or a business suit. I like to rank the hottie factor of the hostesses, but that is because I am a pig. On the other hand, I have never seen a male host, or an old female hostess for that matter. The old ladies push the carts and the men are cooks or waiters. So, I feel my hotness scale is appropriate given the sexism of the restaurant business. I guess I am a bit of a racist and sexist pig.

The hostess will take you to your table which is generally round and drop the blank check with an annotation for party size. Chinese restaurants and Chinese family's like to eat around round tables and even though some restaurants will have square tables, these are generally just for parties of one or two. Yum cha is a social event and you don't see too many small parties of Chinese. The small parties in a dim sum place are generally your other Asians and of course me. I dine alone. I draw some quizzical looks at times, but I don't care. I dine alone. I am alone, it is me against the world. World v. Me.

Apparently, for dim sum it is okay to arrive early and sit at a huge table waiting for the rest of your party to arrive. I have seen a single person at a table for 10 camp out for up to 30 minutes waiting for the rest to arrive. I wonder why this is allowed? Must be a cultural thing.

Once seated a waiter will appear and ask you for your choice of tea. You can tell a waiter because he is wearing a colored jacket and a bow tie. Tea in China is like soda pop in America, there are plenty of flavors. If you look very foreign--foreign to dim sum that is, the presumptive waiter will probably not bother asking and will bring you Jasmine tea. Jasmine is just fine.

Here's my list of teas that I generally drink:

• Jasmine, most common tea served in Chinese restaurants it is very floral and I believe it is made by mixing tea and flower petals together. This is what you'll get if you say, "bring me anything". Not a bad choice for dim sum, but I prefer this one for other tea times.
  
• Oolong, sort of like Jasmine but not as floral, this is one of my favorites for dim sum. It is also supposed to be very good at cutting grease and aiding in digestion. So, drink Oolong and load up on the deep fried dim sum.
  
• Pu erh or Po lay, the first is the Mandarin term and the second Cantonese. This tea is also very good for digestion and has a nice earthy taste and a darker color. It takes a little bit of getting used to.
  
• Dandelion, has a Cantonese name of course, but I don't order it. I've had it once and didn't appreciate it, perhaps I will try it again and see if I was wrong.
• Green tea, more grassy taste, not a big fan yet, but starting to like it more and more.
• Higher quality versions of the above teas exist as well as some other versions of your Black, Green, and White teas. I would really like to try the one picked by monkeys, I just wonder if they're really monkeys or just stupid guys.
  

So, order your tea and ask for a glass of water and a soda or a beer or some wine. I've seen it all, drink what you'd like. You are allowed to deviate and do what you like. Though, traditionally, it is just tea. I always add ice water. I need a lot of liquid, I think I'm pre-diabetic, and I need lots of fluid.

End of Part 1

Join us in our next installment of Dim Sum My Way.